(I actually posted this at exactly midnight, I don't know why it's a few minutes off)

1 year

525,600 minutes

enough time

enough blood

to flood the oceans

solo

if we

tango

through the

jello

you can be a

hero

and i'll wear a

halo

then maybe i will

let go

but maybe not;

uh-oh.

Recognizing the First Steps of Rejection

HUM

is a little tune,

like singing,

but with your mouth closed.

HUMan

is a mammal,

that eats and drinks, usually,

and has lots of feelings.

HUMane

is a good way to be,

like compassionate and kind,

kind of like my mom.

HUMiliation

is HUMming too loud and at the wrong time but

HUMiliation

is HUMan and

HUMiliation

still happens to really HUMane people.

and also humiliation is really just trying too hard maybe you know what i mean

hummmmm.

Baby Willow

I can be shallow

and I can be sad.

I can sit on my bed,

in the safe darkness of my room,

and hug my knees to my chest

trying to lose myself in the music and the words

because I feel like I'm slipping.

I can sit on the grass,

cross-legged with my best friends,

getting high on August air

laughing so hard that I can't squeeze my hands into fists

and it hurts my abs from yesterday's workout.

I can sit in the woods,

by myself,

and think by the waterfall

of the big things in the world and also of the small things

and know that I'm connected to it all.

I can sit with my grandpa,

and learn about race horses,

and about buying low and selling high

and sports and culture and kindness and the big picture,

and mostly about life.

I can sit under a full moon,

or in a pile of snow,

and I can feel 5 years old and 15 years old and 100 years old

but no matter how old I am

there is still so much to figure out.

But I can stand up,

for what I believe in, and who I believe in,

because I do believe,

in people, and in science, and in nature, and the in world,

and also, I believe in myself.

I can be shallow

and I can be sad.

I think if you read my poems you might understand.

Miles

I taste each word.

I savor each sentence.

The wit

The grace

The thought

HowWhy?

(am I still holding on to this)

I think with my brain and I feel with my heart

(just like everyone else)

but

(it's not like everyone else)

because...

(i'm not everyone else)

i mix the present with the memories into an odd brilliant package like nothing i've ever known before.

And my mom gives me a small sympathetic smile as i sink on to the floor and put my hands on my head and say

"whywhywhywhywhywhywhy?"

(does it have to be like this)

(is this so beautiful)

Prey

A puddle of indigo

Just leaked out of me

*well, that's embarrassing*

not really.

That's me.

I jumped,

and they said,

"You're Bold"

and

"You're Brave"

So I smile to cover the shame that is leaking out of me.

So it doesn't mix with the indigo.

A bit of the Atlantic finds its way to my tear ducts,

and then is has found my lips.

drip.

drop.

The music notes are green.

Such a deep green.

But when the

cobalt

that flows through my veins

to the vessels of my heart

escapes my body;

that is when I am raw.

And to Think Thursdays were my Favorite

It was a day,

when I had to remind myself,

"Nobody died. This is going to be okay. At least nobody died".

And then I tell myself,

"TomorrowisFriday TomorrowisFriday youcanmakeit TomorrowisFriday".

Except,

Then I remember that somebody did die.

Then I remember that people are always dying.

And then I remember that Friday is just one day closer to dying.

And people die on Fridays all the time.

And now, I'm not making myself feel better.

And then I think,

why should I feel good?

Everyone is dying.

Always.

My Dad is The Bird Guy

Chick-a-dee-dee-dee-dee.

Bob-white, Bob-white.

Kill-deer, kill-deer, kill-deer.

Whip-poor-will, whip-poor-will.

Lil-lee-lee-lee-lee.

Lil-lee, lil-lee.

When do I get my wings?

January = ?

So I said,

"I have that same ipod."

And You said,

"What is a Snickerdoodle?"

In October.

I said,

"Want to come back for hot chocolate?"

And You said,

"I want to live in New York City."

In November.

And then I said,

"My grandma came home from the hospital last night."

And You said,

"The Bee Gee's? Really?"

In December.

We went on the swings and we went on the bus and we went in the halls and we went in the street and You said,

"I like to sing, but not in front of people."

and You said,

"You can have the rest of this, it's too chocolate-y."

and You said,

"I have read The Catcher in the Rye so many times."

And then today You leaned on me and we both smiled and I pet your flannel shirt and said,

"I like this."

Then we watched people getting hurt on that video and it was 7:10 am but we laughed and laughed.

Have You Ever Listened to Two Songs at the SAME Time?

*Smile*

*Smile*

*wave*

*wave*

*<3*

(oops I missed my cue)

*<3*

(sorry it was late)

Now how about somebody asks me how it feels lately?

You know how it feels?

There is a thunderstorm inside my stomach.

It is going CRAZY in there.

And honestly, it feels really

blehhh

and

mehhh

and

echhh

in there.

And there is thunder in my head.

and it makes it so hard to THINK with everything booming around.

And the lightning flashes in my eyes.

OVER and OVER.

Just lay off, ya know?

I'm trying to READ and stuff.

Sometimes things are so simple and nice and then the clouds start to move into my brain and they're not scary, depressing clouds, they just make it so... CLOUDY in there.

It's just...

It's just...

WHY IS THE WEATHER SO OUT OF MY CONTROL???